Economics Humor: Gas Prices

By: Liz Zuliani   Date: 3 June 2011

About The Author

Liz Zuliani

Diverse background in digital media, with experience working across large networks, to boutique

Liz Zuliani, EconomyWatch Contributor

 

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03 June 2011

Gas prices rising more than you can cope with? Don't feel bummed out, and cheer up with some light-hearted humor about gas prices:

"There was a sign at the station near by my house that said, 'We take Visa, Mastercard, Discover Card, and American Express.' After I filled up they took my Visa, Master Card, my Discover Card, and my American Express." --Jay Leno

"They said on the news tonight that if gas prices get any higher, we could see something totally unprecedented here in California. People actually walking." --Jay Leno

"Gas prices continue to rise. At the gas station near my house they have a slot for your credit card and one right next to it for your 401K." --Jay Leno

"President Bush announced his plan to increase the number of barrels (of oil) produced. You hear his plan? He wants to make smaller barrels." --Jay Leno

"I was watching that movie Mad Max, you know that movie where gas is so precious that people are killing each other for a few gallons. It was set in the future -- I believe it was August." --Jay Leno

"Oil has fallen to $60 a barrel. Experts predict it will continue to fall until exactly one minute after the polls close on November 7th." --Jay Leno

"The Federal Trade Commission has ruled that oil companies are not gouging customers. They say, technically, they're screwing customers." --David Letterman

"President Bush said this week to help with gas prices he will temporarily ease environmental regulations. Great. Not only will you not be able to drive, you won't be able to breathe either." --Jay Leno

"The nation's second-largest oil company, Chevron Texaco, announced it was buying rival Unocal Corp. A spokesman for Chevron Texaco, which made a $13 billion profit last year, says the new company will be called 'Bend Over, America.'" --Dennis Miller

"While speaking to conservationists this week, Dick Cheney made it clear that he plans to deal with the rising gas prices by drilling in our federal wildlife refuge in Alaska. Cheney tried to sway his opponents saying trust me, there's enough oil up there to last us the rest of my natural life." --Tina Fey

"To counteract all the bad publicity they've been getting, the oil companies plan to introduce full-page ads explaining where your gas dollar goes. Before you explain that, explain where you get gas for a dollar. There's no such thing as a gas dollar. It's your gas five dollar." --Jay Leno

"Gas is so expensive SUV now stands for sport utility victim." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said I wish I could wave a magic wand and lower gas prices. And then he said I wish I could wave a magic wand and bring the troops home. And he said I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix health care. And I was thinking this guy waves his wand more than Clinton." --David Letterman


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